The Subtlety of Grandness

Pick up an upcoming movie that you know that you want to see, but it has to be one that you know very little about. And it can’t be a movie that has a trailer that you’ve already seen. Got one? Good. Now avoid watching any trailer or commercial for it, and avoid reading anything about it, especially on the Internet. That might seem difficult, but it’s not. If you’re watching TV and a commercial for it comes on, mute the television and close your eyes. If you’re in a theater and a trailer for it appears, close your eyes, put your fingers in your ears, and quietly hum a song. The idea is that when the times arrives for you to actually watch that movie, you’re going in as completely unspoiled as possible.

I do this about once or twice a year, and I find that it improves the movie experience far more than anything else. The problem with movie trailers is that they spoil so much. They give away the best scenes and lines of dialogue, and they practically reveal the plot along the way. When you watch a movie, you’re often mentally checking off the scenes that you saw in the trailer, whether you’re conscious of it or not. You instinctively know how much of the movie is left based on how much of the trailer that you’ve ticked off.

There’s truly something to be said about the element of surprise, especially in storytelling. The difference between going in totally blind to a movie and going in having seen the trailers is immense. You have absolutely no idea or no inkling of what to expect when you’re going in blind. Everything is a revelation and a discovery. It’s something that I wish Hollywood would learn. It is possible to build anticipation and suspense without revealing so much. But the marketers deem that the audience is too stupid or something, thus we’re given trailers that spell everything out.

The movie that I’m currently avoiding at all costs is Prometheus, Ridley Scott’s return to science fiction. I admit that I know the bare bones of the premise, but as soon as I learned that much I went into lock down and have avoided everything else since. I’m now going through an exquisite form of anticipation, and it’s totally worth it.

Try it yourself.

Watched the Oscars at a friend’s little soiree (I’d say party, but it was a French kind of night all around), and I gotta think The Artist has got to win the title for Best Picture winner that the fewest number of Americans have actually seen. It has to make The Hurt Locker’s audience look like Avatar’s. In years past, I made a serious effort at watching every Best Picture nominee. Since they doubled the number of Best Picture nominees from five to 10, it’s just become too much. It also doesn’t help that there is a serious lack of compelling movies of late.

In 2008, I saw 42 movies in the theater. 43 if you count The Dark Knight twice. In 2011, that number was below 10. In 2012, I saw one movie in January, and one movie in February. I really find myself lacking in enthusiasm. Part of it is the expense. I saw the new Mission: Impossible late last year at a theater, and it cost $14 for a non-3D, non-IMAX ticket. That’s just a single ticket. That’s insane.

But the crap-to-non-crap ratio is also seriously out of whack. I’ve given up on comic book movies. They were cool when I was younger, but not when they’re every weekend. And I have no desire to see this week’s latest CG-animated-talking-animals movie. Those two genres comprise a ridiculous percent of the market. I’m sick and tired of CG special effects and FX-driven movies. Most of the time, the CG looks like crap; we’ve just traded crappy stop-motion for crappy pixels. And I do believe that there is an Uncanny Valley-type of effect with CG. The problem is that there are just too many subtle hints and flaws with CG that it has no weight. The best use of CG is when you’re not even aware it’s on the screen. It has to be subtle and innocuous. Push it front and center and it destroys most movies.

3D can go fucking die already. And stop it with the relentless sequels, reboots, and reimaginings. I’m approaching middle age and I feel like I’m in Sisyphus’ version of hell, as I realize that everything is being regurgitated again and again. I already know how all these stories turn out. I already know who these characters are, what the major plot points are, and where this is going. The mystery and charm is gone. Give me something that I don’t know. Challenge me. Surprise me. Make something deep and compelling. Do that, and I’ll start watching movies in the theater again.